Tricks of the trade

Two weeks in and I think I'm starting to get the hang of this teaching thing a bit better...  Yes, I still feel like an impostor in the classroom and I have a long way to go (although I do have my own, patented, version of the hands-on-hips-showing-cross-face stance, with an optional wagging of the finger when called for), but it's definitely feeling less weird... except for the fact that I have to wear slippers when I work.  I wonder how anyone can take anyone seriously when they're trotting around with slippers on! (Mine are fluffy and blue with white and pink spots just incase you were wondering - I've received many comments on their beauty from students and fellow teachers, thank you very much).

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Here are some things I have discovered about teaching in the last week;

-Lesson #1.

• Teachers have to assess their students.  This means giving them exams.  
• Exams don't magically create themselves.  Teachers must do this.  
• Creating an oral exam for 5 classes with only 30 minutes notice is not an easy feat.
• Determining a grade for a student is difficult when you have not been instructed how to do so, or what constitutes as 'good', 'average' or 'poor' English.
• Giving all students near perfect scores seems to be an appropriate solution to the above problem.    
  

-Lesson #2.

• Teachers must give their students feedback.  This means giving them report cards.
• Report cards don't magically create themselves.  Teachers must do this.
• Writing reports for 40 students whose names you have not yet learnt is not an easy feat.
• Finding nice ways of saying "your child really annoys me" is also difficult.
• Writing 40 glowing reports seems to be an appropriate solution to the above problem.

My little class of two: Sally and Sabrina - creators of my pointy nosed giraffe-fish complex.

- Lesson #3.

• In order to teach, teachers must be able control their class. This calls for a skill set that I am yet to acquire.
• Using bribes such as stickers is an effective tool if carried out properly.  I have not yet learnt how to do this properly.  Sticker bribes cannot be administered too early in class as behavioural standards tend to deteriorate post sticker collection.
• Repetitive use of above bribe technique renders it ineffective and renders teachers poor due to excessive sticker purchasing.  
• New bribery methods must be imagined. Soon.

-Lesson #4:

• ALWAYS ignore an 8 year old when they start a sentence with "Teacher, Teacher... do YOU know what boys and girls do when they love each other?" for no apparent reason.
• ALWAYS confiscate pencil cases when they are being used as props to demonstrate said 8 year olds take on what boys and girls do when they love each other ("this one is the boy and this one is the girl... and then they kiss... and..." STOP!!!).
• After the above point has been carried out ALWAYS keep a close eye on all draw-able surfaces when said 8 year old is armed with a drawing implement and wants to illustrate 'love' further.

Sally:  Perpetrator of the "what people do when they love each other" episode and possibly the craziest kid I know.  

- Lesson #5.

• Hitting the bars is a mandatory activity for Teachers on Friday nights after school.
• Teachers like to party.

Ellen Teacher and Amy Teacher see how long they can keep their hands in the refrigerated built-in-table beer coolers (complete with flashing lights on the inside too!).

June Teacher sporting the latest Korean fashion - the beer mustachio.

 

Me, very happy with our $5 find !!

June shows us how its done (watch out for when you drink down to the wider bits in the glass... for some scientific reason unbeknownst to me, the beer shoots down your throat, or in Junes case, all over herself).

 The official photo stance of Korea;  Technically speaking, there should be a peace sign without a smile.  I have been taught this by my students as well... so it must be true.

I guess some things just never change - no matter where you are in the world.