In my never-ending quest to perfect my teaching style (or at least to stop the kids from jumping on the desks during my classes), I've been running a series of tests in behavioural control techniques. Recent trials include "cross teacher face" (often coupled with "hands on hips stance"), "everybody hands on heads", "clap, clap, clap", "pencils DOWN!" the old "threeeee.... twooo.... oooone", "silent treatment", sticker bribes, "the baby chair" and just flat out yelling.
The success-failure rate of these techniques vary greatly due to a high number of random variables (time of day, weather, sugar intake, severity of teachers hangover etc etc). The temporary nature of success yielded from the above trials left me searching for more effective techniques, so I decided that it was time to get creative (and maybe even a little bit mean). I am pleased to announce the discovery of one technique with a much higher success rate than previous attempts... it goes a little something like this: Kids are being bad. After unsuccessfully trying to quiet them, leave the room. Return with mobile phone. Pretend to dial a number- this usually distracts at least one or two of the rascals from their naughtiness.... but this is all you need for the trick to be effective. When the one or two are watching you, say loudly into the phone "Hello? Police? Hi, this is Amy Teacher. Yes, Erin/Lewis/Nick (insert name) is being very naughty in class today..." To this the kids generally shit themselves and stop the bad behaviour instantly.
This worked in my favour for a few weeks, but then I had to mix it up a bit to keep them on their toes... my new phone conversation starts like this: "Hello? Santa?...." You've never seen kids sit down and shut up so quickly - it's brilliant. The kids now believe that Santa is my good friend - I told them that we met in Australia a few years back while he was taking a much needed beach holiday post-christmas present deliveries. We hung out on the beach and I showed him around Melbourne. We've been great friends ever since. Santa has also allowed me to put little video cameras in the fire-sprinkler system in our classrooms so he can always see who is being naughty and who is being nice. Santa is my best friend.
Anyway, I figured it was time for an update on school life...
Mr. Lee (the owner/director of my school) and Bunny (my supervisor).
With bosses like these, it's little wonder why the kids are so crazy...
My Korean co-workers and all 'round great bunch-o-gals: Cindy, Winnie, Receptionist (no one seems to know her name but the kids call her 'the desk teacher'), Reina, Lailla and Janice. FIELD TRIPS WITH THE KINDY KIDS
Candy and the coolest shades to hit Youngtong, en route to the Seoul Grand Park Zoo.
Kenny, demonstrating the ever popular Korean min-love heart symbol, at the zoo (full size heart symbol involves arms over your head...much like the 'M' of YMCA dance).
(FYI. I named Kenny after Kenny from the movie 'Kenny').
Lynne and Amy Teacher's "funny fish eye", at the zoo. 
Learning about traffic safety at the Suwon Police Academy. I was a little shocked that they let un-licensed 5 year olds operate this heavy machinery... they were un-attached cars that worked up a reasonable speed... there was an accelerator peddle and a kill-switch... no seat-belts or restraints to speak of. Thankfully all limbs were saved.
E.C.C. OLYMPICS
Jongha - one of the naughtier, but more amusing kinder boys.
One day Jongha came into the classroom and said to me: "Amy Teacher, you're a good catch!" "Erm... nice of you to say Jongha...", to which he replied by grabbing his chin and yelling "Ooooooh baby!" - one can only wonder where his father (who apparently taught him this) learnt English...
The power-house of Tug-o-war.
Sooo cute.
E.C.C. MARKET DAY
The courtyard outside our school was converted into a flea market for the afternoon. The kids were given fake money (purchased with real money by their parents) and set free to buy a range of used toys, books and clothes donated by their families... Who could've known that balloons and hand-held wind-mills could be the cause of the 2008 Youngtong Kinder Riots??
RANDOM TID-BITS FROM AROUND SCHOOL
Erin (the little monster) in her special party dress...
Erin is the clumsiest, most awkward child on the face of the planet... I love her. I find her resemblance to Princess Fiona from Shrek is also quite striking. I may also mention that she was caught smuggling a book from the flea market book stall - the concept of exchanging goods for coupons was apparently too much to comprehend at the time... that or she was saving all her coupons for fairy-floss.
The boys of Moon Class... as you can see, the control I exert over these children is nothing short of amazing.
Ocean class hit the E.C.C. veggie patch. Cherry tomatoes for EVERYONE!
P.S. The other day, mid-phonics lesson, one of the boys in Ocean class, Jacky, raised his hand to ask a question (a small blessing as they normally just scream "teacher teacher teacher teacher!!" at me when they want something). Anyway, so a very serious faced little Jacky says "Teacher, I have a question"
"Yes, Jacky?"
"Are you a boy?"
"No, Jacky. I'm a girl."
I'm so glad that my gender has been unclear to this kid for the last 5 months...
Candy, Julie and Moon Young of Sun class... being their adorable little selves.
Sometimes I sing to them when they're colouring in - partly to teach them some songs and words... partly to keep them occupied so they don't run around the room screaming. Apparently there are some songs these little tykes really don't like (eg. 'In the jungle' and 'I'm a little tea-pot'), so when they're bad I bust out one of these numbers to annoy them. Recently, however, they've started retaliating with a little singing of their own - or rather they stand up and chant "SING NO! SING NO! SING NO!" until I'm laughing so hard I have to stop singing. Crafty little buggers.
This is my Sun Class boyfriend, Moon Young. He has the most adorably squishy cheeks in the world. He's been known to smuggle whole cherry tomatoes in his cheeks for up to 40 minutes before anyone noticed - which should give some indication of the amount of chub in those chops.
William and his Lion mask. William is the newest member of Sun class and the crappest colour-inner I've ever seen. He's adorable though - even if his displays of affection do involve very hard pinches and squeezes.
Me 'n' the Sun Class Lions. Rrrroooaaarrr.
Three of my favourite afternoon class girls, Lina, Sally and Amy, sitting on the air conditioning vents to make their dresses puff up like princesses... then complain that their legs are cold for a solid 10 minutes after. They do look cute though.
Finally, I wanted to show you a sight I see on a regular basis:
You may be thinking "what does this have to do with kids?". My answer to this, is nothing, however, it is a position that most of my students will undoubtedly be very familiar with by the time they're 25.... The Korean penchant for passing out on stairs really is baffling.
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